Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Sherman, The Vampire Cockroach - Issue No.2

Transvestite Feel Thingy.

Djenggo Room was one of the best if not the best spot in the sewer world according to The Sewer Life magazine July, 1998. It's located 20 feet beneath Camden Underworld, a legendary concert hall where great bands such as Pantera, Sepultura and Faith No More once played. Sacred key to the Djenggo Room was passed down from generation to generation and by virtue of him being the son of a former king, the current keeper was Sherman.

Almost everyday there will be a band either playing to a crowd or practising at The Underworld and due to some acoustic phenomenon, the sound that reaches Djenggo Room is almost perfect for a little pogo session. Furthermore Djenggo has been remodeled to allow louder sound if necessary just by adjusting a small window-like apparatus at the door called "Noob". Much like a volume knob. No other place can come close to its acoustics and ambience except for BigBang Bar underneath The Brixton Academy and Vipers Pit @ London Astoria, ranked 2nd and 3rd respectively.

(In the Djenggo Room. Music from a local punk band rocking upstairs.)

Bob: Who do you think will win this years men and ladies single? (Chewing the bottom half while reading the upper half of a newspaper).

Sherman: Djokovic and uhmmm....It may be Sabine but my bet is on Sharapova. I know you hate her for being a goody two-shoes, I am pretty therefore treat me like a princess tennis player, but it looks like its hers this year.

Sherman: Hey Bob, can you keep a secret?

Bob: Well that depends. Correct me if I am wrong but I think a secret will remain a secret as long as you think it is a secret. (Turning his face towards the ceiling, evaluating the punk music playing above).

Bobo (everyone calls him Bob) is Sherman's second cousin. He is a big roach, twice the size of Sherman and most of the time voluntarily act as Sherman's bodyguard. Bobo is a Madagascar Hissing Cockroach or some call African Cockroach. His grandparents came on a trade ship to England a few years back and fell in love with English weather. Yeah right.

Sherman and the rest of their cousins would often make fun of Bobo because eventhough he is big, he is such a wuss.

A disgrace to everything african.

Size does matter, except Bobo.

Some are racially sensitive remarks but Bobo do not care. He doesn't give a shit. He is like a turtle laying eggs on a beach.

Sherman: I am dead serious here Bob. I have known you for what? 8 full months of my life and I want you to promise me you will not tell anyone.

Bob: Okay. (Still staring at the ceiling).

Sherman: Bob, I am not a cockroach anymore. I mean I am not normal. I am different. I can fly. I can now see further than before. I am stronger. I can lift a can of sardine for godsake! (Raised his voice gradually with his hands doing a lifting the bride without the bride and his four legs firmly on the ground.)

Bob: She, you are a moron. You know what moron means right? First of all, cockroach can fly. Second of all, I think you are high on something. Can I have some of what you just had?

Sherman: I can fly without having to flap these... (Pointed to his wings with a confused look). One more thing, I need blood to stay that way. If not, I get weak and may die. I am telling you Bob, my body is changing. Everyday new things happen and I am scared. And can you please wipe that grin off your face. You look like a cat with mickey between your teeth.

Bob: (Staring right into Sherman’s eyes) It is ganja right?

Sherman: (Pushing Bob’s antennae away) Get a grip on this. (Sherman elevated himself into the air without flapping).

Bob: (Jaw dropping) Shit shit shit on my pretty face and smack my bubbly abdomen hard boy...

Sherman: Now you believe me?

Bob: Okay let's assume that I believe you. The thing you just did could have been just simple magic that you googled. May I know whose blood is it that you are sucking again? Were you trying to suck mine? My tibia felt tingly while I was sleeping this afternoon.

Sherman: I am not sucking you or anybody or anything breathing. By the way, it is not roaches white blood that sustains me. It is human blood and I drink em' off... ermmm ... used sanitary pads. (Cough to snuff out the sanitary word).

Bob: Euueeeeeeewwww. All these while I thought you were just being kinky with lipstick man.

Sherman: I am telling you the truth Bob. Listen to me.

Bob: I am listening to you, attentively but it is overwhelmingly scary. Let me sleep over it.

Sherman: I need you with me on this Bob. I feel like a female stuck in a male body.

Bob: You are sick you know that? Okay, tell me more. Tell me about this change of yours but just omit the imaginary transvestite feel thingy.

Sherman's eyes lit up. He then shut the Noob down to kill the music and told Bob everything from the ear lobe munching incident to the fat lady stamping tragedy. They laugh once a while but got back to serious talking in an instant. Time ticked away and outside, the sound of the punk band playing faded into the night.

Sherman was desperate and the burden of this new persona that is about to unveil in front of his compounded eyes needs to be shared. He feels suffocated and Bob, his most trusted ally almost failed him.

Little did they know that on the south east of the Greater London sewer, a beast was coming to knock on every roaches door.

------------------------------ To be continued -------------------------

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